~Changes~

I didn't want to post this, but this blog is to document our life, and this is our life. 

Matt and I joke that our kids will never grow up in a stable environment. Part joke/ part truth relating to all the moves we've had, ups, downs, and in betweens. 

As (I think??) I've shared before, the state is doing away with my job, as of June of 2013 it won't exist anymore. This is why I've been working so hard to build up my photography business. It's important to Matt and I that I be the one to raise our kids, that I be here with them, and with Quinn's physical therapy needs, exercises he has to do throughout the day, etc., it's become necessary as well that I be here.

Loooong story short, I lost my job last week. The one that pays 50% of our bills. Or, did anyway, prior to the last two months. The last two months I've made almost exactly 10% of what I usually make. A year ago we suffered a 25% paycut, HUGE. Two months ago I was told that I wasn't putting enough time into my "real" job, I was focusing too much on photography. Which is true, it's hard to balance all these things, and knowing that this job is gone for good in a few months, I felt I had no choice BUT to build up photography. Something had to be a constant and be able to support us. This "work from home job" turned into me being the only one working solely from home. The other girls have moms and in laws that can watch their kids while they work from the office. My mom works full time and I don't want to push my kids on her anymore that I already have to for photoshoots,etc., although I know she'd be willing. Plus, this wasn't a work from the office job or I wouldn't have taken it. It became evident to me that I was being "punished" for being the only one not there, and I was making waaaaay less over the last 2 months than I had been. There wasn't really a whole lot I could do about it. Because it's just me and the kids every day I couldn't go to last minute meetings that came up, I had a hard time handling crisis' that arose, etc. I had to schedule things around photoshoots, around when I could have my mom watch the kids, etc.

Basically last week my boss and I decided (somewhat mutually...) that it wasn't working. I can't spend time in the office, it just isn't an option at this point, and that's what they want from this "work from home" job right now. I can't afford to give it all my attention knowing that I a) make 10% of what I used to, so basically took a 90% pay cut, and b) knowing it was going to be gone before I knew it. It doesn't feel responsible to put everything into that job just to be without one in a few months. Matt agreed that it was way too much stress on me for the almost non-existent pay check I had been getting, but it's still hard to lose the job that provides a paycheck every two weeks, no matter how small it had become. It's scary that my job pays 50% of our bills, and now I don't have it.

Luckily photography is pretty busy for this month, but I know it will slow to almost nothing in Nov, Dec, Jan, Feb, all these miserable months we have here. There's no choice but to take it day by day and be creative in my shoots. I'm also trying to work hard to build up my Scentsy business, although it's not nearly as profitable as it needs to be just yet.

My boss talked to me a couple days ago and asked how I was doing. I told her it was scary, really scary, but I was happy to be able to focus on photography and my kids, something I'm so not used to. She asked me aside from the money aspect, how I was feeling about. I told her the only word that came to mind: relieved. I told her that and she said the truest words to me, "Isn't that all that matters? Isn't that relief worth all the money in the world? Isn't knowing that you won't miss a second with your kids worth it? They'll only be babies once, and when it's gone, it's gone and they're grown. You'll survive without the 'extras', but you will regret everything you've done if you don't get to share it with your kids."

She knows me too well. My kids come first, always. So, that's my update. Scary, huge changes in our future. Not sure what's in store for this next chapter of our lives, and we have no choice but to find out!

In other AWESOME news, we are heading to sunny California in two short weeks!! Yes, TWO!!! Crazy! Although I've been saving, saving, and saving for this trip for what feels like EVER, it also seems kind of short notice! Because of an amazing deal Aunt Lori found on Disneyland tickets, we had to buy them in advance and had to buy them for Oct. 23! I have the money saved, I just HATE spending money like that, but Matt and I decided to just jump in and buy the tickets, no looking back now!! Paiton will only be 3 and princess obsessed once, and we plan to knock her socks off!! ;) She is SO beyond excited, and partially in disbelief, that we're actually going. Our trip will be kind of a quick one, about a week, with one day at DLand with the Wiesners and Grandma and Poppy. We are so excited to see Paiton's reaction and to just blow her mind! She wants to see all the princesses, the Toy Story characters, and Phineas and Ferb! :)

(Of course, the day we decided to go ahead and buy DLand tickets, is the same day I lost my job. Go figure, the Universe hates me, but I've known this for years.)

California family, we'll be seeing you soon!! Wooohooo!!!