Remember When?

Remember when - My biggest concern in life was what to do that weekend?
Remember when - I didn't have to worry about doing laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning up messes I didn't make?
Remember when - I didn't have a baby to plan my day around?
Remember when - I didn't have to say "Paiton please stop that" 234,643,324 times a day?
Remember when - I didn't have to force someone to go to sleep, and I could sleep when and as long as I wanted?
Remember when - If I didn't feel good I could curl up in bed and rest and not move until I felt better?
Remember when - My house was quiet, calm, and there wasn't fit throwing and screaming?
Remember when - All my money didn't go towards diapers, baby food, toys, hospital bills and clothes that will be outgrown in 7 minutes?

And....
Remember when - My biggest concern in life truly meant nothing?
Remember when - I didn't have to worry about the things that all good mothers worry about?
Remember when - I didn't have a baby to play with all day long, to shop with, and tell all my secrets to?
Remember when - I didn't have a strong willed child who has a GREAT mind of her own,
and is brilliant enough to find ways to get into trouble, even when I think it's impossible!
Remember when - I went to bed alone, and didn't wake up to someone touching my face, giving me big, juicy kisses, or pushing me off the bed with her teeny tiny feet?
Remember when - I didn't feel good, and there was no silly one year old to do goofy things and make her "cheese face" at me to make me smile?
Remember when - My house was too quiet and there was no belly laughter of a toddler or the sound of her little words and angelic voice?
Remember when - All of my money went to things far less important, and all of it was a waste, because everything meant so much less until this baby girl came into my life?

We had a hard day today. As we have a lot lately. Paiton slept a total of 12 minutes, I counted. That left me zero time to work, which means I didn't get stuff done I should have. Which means my paycheck will be sad, and so will we.
Paiton is not the easiest baby, she has a temper, a strong personality, and she wants to do what she wants to do just as much as I want her to do what I want her to do. It was one of those days where when I saw Matt I cried and swore to never have another child because I can't even handle this one. Too many times today I had to step away from Paiton and take a breath. Too many times to do I thought "remember when...?" Too many times I didn't appreciate her.
Like Matt said, she is a baby, and she will have good days and bad days. Sure, the bad days are bad, but there are still bright moments. I didn't get an ounce of work in. Nothing. Maybe if I had help with her during the day, but I don't. It's her and I. She is my love, my everything. But today was a bad day.
Tomorrow, let's be better. Let's be more patient, more willing to let it go when she presses a button on the computer that loses all the work I did, when she throws her cup and it spills all over the floor, when she screams and throws a fit over nothing, and when she refuses to take a nap and does everything in her power to keep herself awake. I will cherish those moments, and stay up all night making up the work I missed out on during the day.
I love you Paiton Lola. Bad days and all.